Sad but true.
Posted by patrickbulger- 1 day ago > yaydeathbed
- 7
- Permalink
Dedicated to Phil Fixler. He was a good man and will be missed.
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 1 day ago > yaydeathbed
- 3
- Permalink
Sure, vines will class up your campus, but they’re also heavy, fast and bent on world domination. Seriously. Vines currently cover more than seven million acres of land worldwide. You know how much land you cover? Yeah, almost none. You’re looking good, girl. You’re looking good. But all sexual harassment aside, VINES HATE YOU!
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 2 days ago > naturehatesyou
- 1
- Permalink
DYING GUY: I’m leaving you a Mogwai. Feed it after midnight, throw it in the ocean and laugh maniacally as the world burns!
KNEELING GUY: I’m not going to do that.
DYING GUY: Fine. Then put it in directly sunlight and be done with it. Cute is not a commodity, son. Remember that.
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 1 week ago > yaydeathbed
- 2
- Permalink
It aint no fun unless the homies get some.
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 1 week ago > yaydeathbed
- 2
- Permalink
KNEELING GUY: Jews don’t have wakes. They sit shiva. But sure. I’ll do all that stuff for you.
DYING GUY: Thank you. It will be a great mitzvah!
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 1 week ago > yaydeathbed
- 7
- Permalink
You can pry those teeth out of my dead cold mouth, dentist.
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 1 week ago > yaydeathbed
- 4
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HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY EVERYBODY! (except for Farrah Abraham. Get it together, Farrah Abraham.)
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 1 week ago > yaydeathbed
- 2
- Permalink
If it’s important it shouldn’t last more than ten seconds.
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 1 week ago > yaydeathbed
- 4
- Permalink
The tranquil beauty of placid water. The calming sensation of lazily floating. Lakes are nature’s happy place AND LAKES HATE YOU! The Great Lakes drown 70 people per year, and that’s the least harmful thing lakes do to you. Under that calm exterior is a boiling caldron of disease and destruction.
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- Posted by patrickbulger
- 1 week ago > naturehatesyou
- 2
- Permalink
DYING GUY: I have a confession to make. I’ve been calling you Kiddo this whole time, because I have no idea what your real name is.
KNEELING GUY: It’s KIddo.
DYING GUY: Seriously?! We named you Kiddo?! That sucks…. Oh, well. When do that dude and the other guy get here?
KNEELING GUY: My sisters, Dude and Other-Guy, aren’t coming.
DYING GUY: Why?
KNEELING: YOU KNOW GOD DAMN WELL WHY!!!!!!!!!!!
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 1 week ago > yaydeathbed
- 5
- Permalink
Sleeping in anything smaller than a king-size bed is a little death anyway.
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 2 weeks ago > yaydeathbed
- 2
- Permalink
The joy of a white glove on freshly polished wood. The sweet sounds of Roomba. You think you’ve got dust all figured out? Think again, you, Swiffer-Picker-Sucker, CAUSE DUST HATES YOU! Seriously, like kills-a-hundred-people-a-year hates you. And that’s just the beginning.
____________________
Subscribe for more:
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If something in nature hates you, tell us on Twitter @naturehates
HATE US Elsewhere:
Nature Hates Facebook
http://facebook.com/naturehatesyou
Nature Hates Twitter
http://twitter.com/naturehates
Nature Hates Google+
http://gplus.to/naturehatesyou
My newest episode is up. It smells of lemon pledge.
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 2 weeks ago > naturehatesyou
- 2
- Permalink
Fantasia was a long movie that happened a long time ago. Sorry, for the delay.
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 3 weeks ago > yaydeathbed
- 4
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I remember this missing kid’s pics on milk cartons thing being a big deal when I was a kid. I’m not sure that they even do that anymore…. Sorry, kid’s of today. I guess you only have the internet and soy milk to save you now.
- Posted by patrickbulger
- 3 weeks ago > yaydeathbed
- 6
- Permalink
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